A New Beginning by

Rudy Perales

Finally, the nine months were over. Look out world, my son had arrived. He came into this world on August 16, 1994 -- all 8 lbs. 8 oz. of attitude. I remember him looking at me and giving me this look of, “Dad, you’re going to earn your pay with me.” I was the luckiest father on earth. My wife and I had our pair. Two years earlier my wife had given birth to our daughter, Julissa. She was a beautiful baby girl with big brown eyes, eyes with so much expression.

Erik was your typical baby. All he wanted to do was sleep and eat. Mostly eat. I remember my wife saying, “Your son is going to eat us out of house and home.” It was always “my son” when he did something wrong. But that was okay. I always took pride in that. I wanted everyone to know that Erik was my son. Erik was always getting into things. On his first birthday, my wife had to take him to the emergency room. He had pulled himself up on a table and the table fell over and landed on top of his foot. That would be the first of many accidents with Erik. He wore a cast on his foot for a couple of months. But that did not slow him down. Erik was so full of life; everything was a new adventure for him, until that one day.

Erik was about 18 months old when we noticed that he no longer looked at us. He no longer played with his toys. He preferred to be by himself. That beautiful child with so much energy began to vanish before our eyes. I just could not believe what was happening to my son. Not only could I not believe it, I also did not understand. What’s happening to him? What did we do wrong? No one could tell us. We got the usual answers. He’s okay, he’s just a little slow. Boys are slower than girls. We were finally referred to the University of Washington. It was there that I first heard that dreadful word -- autism.

Erik was diagnosed with autism on July 18, 1997. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. This panel of doctors sat before us and began to give us his results. My wife immediately began to cry. I, on the other hand, grew numb. In an instant our world began to crumble. I began to build these walls around me. Like my son, I began to live in my own world, a world of anger and denial.

That first year, after Erik was diagnosed, was the worst for my wife and me. We were new to this world of disabilities. We did not know where to go, who to talk to. Nobody understood what we where going through. I did not understand what I was going through. All I knew was that my dreams for my son would never come true. He would never be the baseball player or that all-star high school wrestler. I began to envy my brothers, sisters, and friends. They had children. Why was their son okay but not mine? I had this anger in me. I needed to blame someone for my son’s disability. I began to blame my wife for having him. I began to blame God for letting this happen. There were days that I wanted to run and scream at the top of my lungs. But most of all I felt so alone. Why did I feel this way? No one could understand, so I thought.

June 5, 1999 I received a new beginning. This would be the day that my outlook Erik’s life began to change. It would be the first time since my son’s diagnosis that I would weep openly and not feel ashamed, and that the dads around me would understand what I was going through, the first time in a long time that I did not feel alone. This would be my first, of hopefully many, Washington State Fathers Network State Conferences. I met dads like Roy Gonzalez, James May, Paul Blair, Lance Morehouse, John Mahaney and Spencer Hatton. I remember listening to dads like Spencer talk about his son and the dreams he had for him. Finally someone who understood. It scares me to think what would have happened to me and my family if not for this network of fathers. I remember receiving a flier in the mail about the conference. To this day I’m not sure who sent it to me or why, but I am very thankful. Even after receiving the flier I almost did not make it. I was scared to go. I remember telling a close friend about it, telling him that I didn’t think I could walk through those doors by myself. My friend, Adolf, gave me the push that I needed. He said, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll go with you.” For this I will be grateful to him for the rest of my life.

After returning home, I was so charged up. I came back convinced that a fathers’ group was needed in my home town of Moses Lake and the surrounding communities, and also convinced that I needed this program for my own well being too. There had to be other dads out there who were feeling the same as me, dads who felt alone, discouraged, and frustrated because no one could relate to what they were going through.

Since my last conference, we have had a number of meetings in Moses Lake and Othello and plan to continue meeting in both communities. Whether it’s one dad or twenty who show up does not matter. It’s all about spreading the word of the important role we dads play within our families. It’s all about making a difference.

After becoming a member of the Washington State Fathers Network, my relationship with my son has improved dramatically. I have gone through different stages of dealing with my son’s disability. The Fathers Network has given me the strength to accept Erik’s disability. I no longer ask why, but what can I do to help my son be successful and to help him succeed. It has given me the courage to go out and seek other dads who may be going through the same stages as I once did.

At the last state conference, I was selected to be part of the steering committee for the Washington State Fathers Network. It’s something that I take great pride in. I look forward to those meetings where we can discuss what is happening in our lives as well as discuss our disappointments and triumphs. But most of all, we discuss what we can do to make a difference for other men and their families. Thanks to everyone at the Washington State Fathers Network. We have -- and will continue -- to make a difference, not just in Washington State, but across the entire country.

Rudy Perales lives in Moses Lake, Washington with his wife, Julie, and their two children, Julissa and Erik. He enjoys taking an active part in his children’s lives. Rudy also enjoys being part of the steering committee for the Washington State Fathers Network. Being part of an organization like the WSFN is something that he is very proud of. Rudy also is working on starting new WSFN chapters in the Othello/Moses Lake area. Rudy can be reached at: rperales@qwksilver.com.

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Last modified: 06/06/08